May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
