When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
