Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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