I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
