i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
