Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
