you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
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