Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
