Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
