youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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