dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
