it wasn't lemon gatorade
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Sacagawea was the original milf.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
