I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
