If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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