May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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