Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
