I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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