at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
