I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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