We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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