This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
