It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
