The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
