It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
