I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
