You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
