don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
