she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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