Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
