Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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