I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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