so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
