Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My cat gives me a boner
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
