How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
