how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
there is glitter all over my balls
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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