There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
In America we eat man semen.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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