i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Drunk is not a location!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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