Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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