a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
BRING THE BAGELS
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
