My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
