I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
