i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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