He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
