Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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