I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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