so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
