do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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