He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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