I bet he comes in French.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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