Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
