I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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