I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
