why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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