I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
