I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
they need to just BURY HIM!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
