I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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