I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
