Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
