it's too hot outside to masturbate.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
